Lying in Therapy

Have you ever lied to the doctor? Perhaps out of embarrassment or because you didn’t want him to think the wrong way about you? I don’t think I lied on purpose myself, but I did keep things secret, simply because I didn’t know how to phrase them. On the other hand, I have lied to other psychologists, but that mainly concerned my weight.

There were strict requirements regarding what weight was required to be in treatment. If I was a bit below that, I didn’t feel the need to mention it, or I would cheat a little. In hindsight, I was fooling myself more than the psychologist in question. A recent study by ZocDoc shows that over 30% of people have lied to their GP at some point. Why?

For the study, a few thousand Americans were surveyed about their contact with the family doctor. About 30% of women, and to a lesser extent 23% of American men, admitted to sometimes being dishonest about their health with the doctor.

Why not be honest?
Almost half of the people who are occasionally dishonest with their GP do so out of shame and fear of judgment. Approximately 30% of these people lie because they do not consider it the right time to discuss the health problem in question or because they are not asked about it specifically.

What are people lied about?
There are 4 topics that people lie about the most:

1. Smoking
People prefer to tell the doctor that they don’t smoke or only smoke at a party. They don’t want a lecture or to hear about the dangers they already know all over again. However, it is better to be honest, because a doctor will eventually find out anyway, and ultimately, it might actually be good to simply hear the dangers again.

2. Drinking
People find it difficult to be completely honest about the amount of alcohol they drink. ‘I occasionally have a glass of wine’ is really quite different from emptying a whole bottle every day. A GP is there to help you and certainly won’t suddenly see you as a completely different person if you admit to drinking daily. If you want to change this yourself, be honest about it.

3. Exercise
People find it somewhat embarrassing to admit to their doctor that they exercise very little or not at all. As a result, they often just ‘make things up’ or exaggerate. They don’t want to hear a whole story about how important it is to exercise and avoid it by lying.

4. Safe sex
People prefer not to talk to their GP about a one-night stand or about not practicing safe sex. They do not want the GP to judge them or view them differently because of this.

Lying in Therapy
When I think back to the time I was in therapy, there were a number of things people lied about. I am curious which things you recognize and how you look back on them or think about them.

– Weight
As I wrote in the introduction, I was one of those girls who sometimes lied about her weight in therapy. I didn’t want to be excluded from therapy, I wanted to meet the mandatory goals, and I didn’t want to be labeled a chronic eating disorder patient. It is complicated how to deal with this in therapy. I wasn’t just fooling the therapists, but myself as well. Instead of making progress in weight, I lied so that I wouldn’t be kicked out of therapy. However, this did mean that I couldn’t discuss my fear of gaining weight; after all, I had gained weight nicely.

– Self-harm
In therapy, people often lie about self-harm. This stems from a fear of being sent away or a fear of angry reactions from group members. It is important to talk to someone about why they have been unable to stop harming themselves. Do this in time, and not only after things have gone wrong multiple times.

– Alcohol Use
Just as with self-harm, people often lie about alcohol use. Partly out of shame, partly out of fear of punishment. Investigate why you need that drink and what you could have done instead of using alcohol. The other options are often not as easy as drinking, but they are much better for your health.

– Daily Routine
In therapy, people sometimes lie about their daily routine. I also lied about this to family and friends. Sometimes, due to gloomy feelings, I would spend entire days in bed, but then tell those around me that I had done things, gone into town, etc. I was ashamed of my lazy behavior. I saw it as something very negative about myself as a person.

– Feelings
Finally, of course, lies about feelings are also quite often told in therapy. People sometimes say that things are going well or that they are not angry or anxious, when things are not going well at all and there is a tremendous amount of anxiety at play. Remember that therapy is there to help you; it only works if you are completely honest, no matter how difficult that may be.